


california dreaming

by jendeukie



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1980s, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Falling In Love, First Love, First Time, Internalized Homophobia, Masturbation, Period-Typical Homophobia, Period-Typical Racism, Recreational Drug Use, References to HIV/AIDS
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2019-05-16 01:59:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14802182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jendeukie/pseuds/jendeukie
Summary: Everything changes for Jennie in the summer of 1987.





	california dreaming

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome to my new fic! 
> 
> Before anything else, I wanted to say that this was inspired by [sugamins](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugamins/pseuds/sugamins) works: Valentino Summers and California Boys.
> 
> For all of you who are reading my other fics, don’t worry, I’ll update them someday. I still haven’t learned how to control my inspiration.
> 
> A shit-ton of research went into this, but, of course, there might be some mistakes, please overlook them.
> 
> I’ve created a padlet for the visuals: [X](https://it.padlet.com/jendeukiesss/jdlhzd7pzf5w)

**Pacific Heights, San Francisco: June 5th, 1987**

When Jennie woke up, it was because of the sunlight which was lightly warming up her skin.

She hummed as she closed her eyes, she loved waking up like this the most: with the sun on her skin and without a stupid alarm ringing. Which, unfortunately, didn’t happen a lot, as she often ended up stuck with the morning shift.

She reached over to her nightstand with her hand and tilted her alarm clock to check the hour, and when she did, she found out that it was a little past 9 in the morning. She immediately shoot up in bed, thinking that she must have overslept missed work.

A quick glance at her calendar showed that that wasn’t the case: it was a Friday, and like every Tuesday and Friday, she was assigned with the afternoon shift. She sighed in relief and lied back down in bed, intended to get a few more hours of sleep.

Unfortunately for her, sleep didn’t come. Jennie found herself unable to fall back asleep after she woke up once, even if that happened in the middle of the night. She tried a bit more, focused on getting her sleep back, but nothing happened.

Huffing, she got up and decided to get ready. She headed to the kitchen first, she found that she was starving, and she hoped that there was something. Thankfully, there was: the remains of yesterday’s noodles, and she decided to eat just that, reminding herself to go to do some shopping later, as, apart from the noodles, a few cans of beer and a lemon, she didn’t have anything else in the fridge.

She spent a while looking for the remote control, and when she finally found it on the sofa, she turned on the TV on _MTV_ to listen to some music while she ate. Having grown up surrounded by other kids, she still wasn’t really used to the silence in her apartment, despite having lived in it for three years now, and to eating alone. That’s why music made her feel better: it filled up the empty space around her and made her cheerful for the rest of the day.

 _Every Breath You Take_ was playing, which was weird as it had come out a few years back, and honestly Jennie wasn’t sure if she liked the song or not. The rhythm was good and it made her bop her head, but she found the lyrics a bit creepy. Men sure were weird, Jennie didn’t understand them.

When she was eating, _Madonna_ was playing, and Jennie enjoyed that a lot more. She took and plate and brought it over to the sink, where she put it under the water. She cleaned it with the soap, and then grabbed a glass from her cabinet above the sink. She drank two glasses of water, before washing the glass as well.

Not really satisfied with her breakfast, she decided to go and eat something more consistent outside. She headed upstairs and entered the bathroom. She turned the water on, as cold as possible, and left her pyjamas on the floor.

She entered the shower and squeaked when the cold water hit her, but she got used to it and, after a few minutes, she felt completely refreshed from the previous night. She hadn’t slept that well, to be honest, constantly waking up during the night, and she really needed something to wake her up since she was out of coffee.

She quickly grabbed her bottle of shampoo and poured some on her hand, before applying it to her hair and massaging her scalp. After washing it out, she put on her conditioner, and she left it on her hair as she cleaned her body with her jasmine scented body wash.

Turning off the water, she realised she forgot, again, to take a towel before entering the shower, so she got out of it and had to walk to the cabinet near the sink to grab one, causing water to fall down and wet the floor. She figures she’d deal with it later.

She quickly dried her body and grabbed another towel to wrap it around her head. She headed back to the master bedroom, having forgotten also to take her flip flops, leaving wet footprints all over the wooden floor.

Once in her room, she opened her wardrobe to find something to wear, and at the end she settled on a red blouse tucked in her favourite pair of high waisted light jeans. She decided not to wear socks, as the weather seemed good enough for sandals.

Jennie looked at the mirror, and began applying her make-up: a light base of BB Cream on her face, mascara on her lashes and a bright red lipstick on her lips. She wasn’t one for fancy make-up, for she preferred to keep it simple and affordable.

She accessorised, then turned to look at herself in the mirror. She looked nice, she decided, with her wet hair and sunglasses. She headed downstairs and put on her sandals, which were near the door, threw one last look at herself in the mirror in the hallway, and finally exited her house.

The sight that greeted her outside her door was the pleasant one of the light reflecting and illuminating the houses in front of hers. The houses in that area of Pacific Heights all looked the same: two-story buildings with green backyards. Fancy cars parked in front of them, and Jennie’s Mercedes was one of those.

After debating it for a while, she decided not to take her car. She had left the keys inside and she didn’t feel like going back, she figured the wind would help dry her hair and the weather was just so gorgeous that she didn’t want to not be in the fresh air.

First, she decided to head to Western Addition for her daily dose of coffee, and maybe for some breakfast, too: noodles weren’t exactly breakfast food and she really craved something sweet in the morning, to accompany her bitter coffee.

There were plenty of nice cafes in Pacific Heights, but Jennie had been going to _Milky Way_ ever since she moved out of her family house in Presidio, and it was tradition by now. She knew all of the servers, and they were so nice to her that she didn’t feel like going anywhere else. It was rare to find nice people in the city, lately.

The walk was quite long, she hadn’t realised how much as she was used to going with her car, but she didn’t mind walking that much. She was just a bit bothered by the heat when she arrived: cheeks all red and sweaty palms.

The bell above her tingled as soon as she opened the door, and Irene, who was behind the counter, turned to smile at her, “Hello, sweetie.”

Jennie adored Irene. She was the kindest waitress at _Milky Way_ , and she was also of Korean descent just like her. Jennie made sure to tip her a bit more than the others for her services, money wasn’t really an issue to Jennie anyways.

Jennie sat at her usual table: near the counter and with a big window beside it. She liked bathing in the sun on sunny days and staring at the wet roads on rainy ones. Plus, she could observe everyone who came in and out of the cafe, and she liked to observe people.

Fashion had been crazy for the past few years, gone were all the toned down beiges and bright colours were in at the moment, and Jennie liked to see all kinds of clothes on people in the streets: from sportswear to miniskirts, there was something new everyday.

“The usual?” Irene asked, walking closer to her table.

Jennie graced her with a big smile, “Yes, please.”

Irene nodded and disappeared out of her line of sight, so Jennie decided to look around to see if there was someone she recognised, she came by so often that she kind of knew the regulars by now, even if they didn’t exchange any words but only slight smiles.

Jennie noticed that there were indeed people that she knew, like that African-American couple who was sitting at the far end of the room, a group of Chinese university students and two Hispanic ladies who were chatting loudly about their husbands. The other people, she didn’t know.

Jennie loved the diversity inside the cafe. The servers were all people of colour, and it was mostly inhabited by them, the ones the government didn’t care about. And it was nice, mostly because Western Addition wasn’t exactly known for its ethnic variety, not like other districts. Still, it was good to know that there were some of them, it made _Milky Way_ feel like Jennie’s safe place, even if they were a minority.

Irene came back a few minutes later, black coffee and a place full of waffles in her hands. She placed them carefully in front of Jennie, before wishing her to enjoy and going back to her position behind the counter.

Jennie grabbed the newspaper that was on a neighbouring table, and began to read it as she nursed her steaming hot coffee. There was nothing new on the news, politics and AIDS were old news by now, and Jennie found herself huffing before placing it back where she found it. She couldn’t care less about politics, not when the people in power didn’t care about the people who were.. different, like her.

She drank half of her coffee before placing the mug back on the table and digged in the waffles. They tasted delicious, as always: the perfect way to balance out the bitterness of her coffee. When she was done, she finished her coffee.

When there was nothing left on her plate or in her mug, she left a twenty on the table, wished Irene a good morning and left the cafe. As soon as she got out, she began feeling that weird craving in her stomach, so she grabbed her packet of cigarettes and lighted one up, even if she knew that smoking after drinking coffee would just upset her stomach.

A light breeze seemed to have risen and Jennie enjoyed the smell coming from the sea, breathing it deep in her lungs. She closed her eyes and faced the sun, letting it warm her up. She found that she disliked smoking while there was wind, she didn’t get to enjoy it at all, but she craved a cigarette so bad right now and she didn’t want to smoke one inside, as Milky Way always smelled so good and she didn’t want to ruin it with that nasty cigarette smell.

When she was done smoking, she threw the butt away in a trash can, and made up her mind on what to do next: paying Chaeyoung a visit.

It was still too early for her job at the library, the afternoon shift began a few hours after lunch, and she figured her younger friend must have been feeling lonely and bored all morning, as Jennie knew she didn’t have classes on Fridays.

The walk to the Bayview was too long, so Jennie decided to catch a bus. All that walking earlier really took a toll on her as she wasn’t used to the exercise, and the Bayview was too far away.

She knew she had to take two buses: the number 31 that would leave her at the end of Inner Mission and the number 44 that would take her near her friend’s house. Usually, when she took the bus, she got annoyed because it took to long, but she didn’t that day. Mostly because the good weather had put her in such a good mood, but also because she didn’t have anything else to do.

 

**The Bayview, San Francisco: June 5th, 1987**

The whole journey lasted just a little over an hour, and when Jennie arrived she craved another cigarette, so she lighted one up as she made her way to Chaeyoung’s apartment building. She despised smoking while walking, it made it less enjoyable and it always made her breath heavily, but she didn’t care that much at the moment, as she just wanted to reach her friend’s house as soon as possible and rest in the shade, maybe drink something cold.

It took nearly ten minutes to reach Chaeyoung’s house, and when she did, Jennie was panting just as she had imagined she would. Chaeyoung’s family’s apartment was in a big building, filled with small apartments which housed a lot of families. Chaeyoung’s one was just one of the many in that area: the Bayview was particularly known for its ethnic diversity.

Chaeyoung’s family was one of the many that moved from Korea to America with the hopes of a better life, and settled for low paying jobs just to make their children have a future. And they succeeded in that, as Chaeyoung was now the first in her family to attend university. She was studying Law, to help those in need, she’d always been a humanitarian at heart and she had lots of hopes for the world, as if she truly believed that it would change it people tried hard enough.

They had met back in high school, when Chaeyoung barely spoke a word of English, because she was too afraid to make mistakes. She’d come a long way since then, and now she was one of the best spoken people Jennie knew. Not that Jennie knew a lot people, but still. In high school, Jennie had decided to take her under her wing, and they became friends in a ridiculously short time, they were inseparable.

They still were, even if they didn’t see each other as often as they used to, as Chaeyoung was busy with university and exams and Jennie with her job. They couldn’t even talk to each other because Chaeyoung’s family didn’t own a phone, but Chaeyoung promised that she’d get one as soon as she moved out, which would hopefully happen soon.

Jennie knocked firmly on the door and heard loud music coming from inside, which made her snicker to herself. Chaeyoung had always been quite the singer, and her current rendition of Love Will Tear Us Apart wasn’t disappointing. Jennie heard the volume of the music decrease and her friend’s voice soon after, “Who is it?”

“It’s me,” Jennie replied, trusting her friend to recognise her voice.

A happy squeak could be heard, and that could only mean one thing: Chaeyoung had recognised her and was just as happy to see her as she was. The turning of the lock could be heard, and the door slammed open soon after.

“Jennie!” Chaeyoung exclaimed, throwing herself on her friend and wrapping her arms around her.

Jennie burst out laughing out of happiness, and hugged her friend right, wrapping her arms around her small waist and breathing in her scent, she always smelled of roses and all things bright, and Jennie always associated that smell to home. She used to spend so much time at Chaeyoung’s place growing up that she learned to do so.

“How are you?” Chaeyoung asked, dragging her inside by the arm and closing the door after them, “I haven’t seen you in forever!”

“I’m fine, more than fine,” Jennie replies, “how about you?”

Chaeyoung huffed, “Same old, same old. Exams are killing me but I’m still at the top of the class.”

Jennie ruffled her bangs, “Of course you are,” she smiled proudly, “you’re the smartest there.”

“Yeah, people think so too,” Chaeyoung informed her, “but they say it’s just because I’m Asian, which is dumb, because, yeah, I am, but that doesn’t mean anything. I get top grades because I actually study and don’t spend time getting high like them.”

“They’re just dumb, don’t mind them,” Jennie replied, while taking off her shoes, “dumb and racist, fucking whites.”

“I know,” Chaeyoung sighed, leading her to the main room, “but things aren’t likely to change anytime soon.”

“What happened to our little optimistic Chaeyoungie?” Jennie joked, “finally came back to reality like the rest of us?”

Chaeyoung shrugged, “I just stopped trying to fight battles I knew I couldn’t win.”

“That’s good,” Jennie nodded, “you keep doing that.”

Jennie left her bag on the sofa and headed to the kitchen area to grab a glass of water which she really needed to refresh herself. Her hair had completely dried at this point, and she began to feel hot and moist, which was not a good combination. Chaeyoung followed her to the kitchen and sat on the table, kicking her legs back and forth.

“How’s Joonie?” Jennie asked.

“He’s gotten so tall!” Chaeyoung exclaimed, “you wouldn’t recognise him, seriously, he’s a whole foot taller than me now and I think he’s starting to grow facial hair.”

“It was about time,” Jennie laughed, checking for something cold in the fridge. She found a can of beer and opened it, quickly drinking it.

“But he’ll always be just a baby in my heart,” Chaeyoung continued, “he’s been getting so annoying, too, I wasn’t like this in high school.”

Jennie snickered, “Oh honey..”

“Shut up,” Chaeyoung laughed, loud and clear, “I wasn’t.”

“Of course you weren’t,” Jennie smirked.

“Just.. shut up,” Chaeyoung huffed.

Jennie decided to stop teasing her friend, “How’s Mom?”

“Mom? As she always is,” Chaeyoung replied, “bending over backwards for other people. She’s got a new job, apart from her hairdresser one, she cleans this rich family’s’ house on the weekends. I hate it.”

“She’s doing it for you,” Jennie commented.

“Sometimes I wish that dad hadn’t stayed in Korea,” Chaeyoung mused, “it would be so much easier with him here, he would stop her.”

“It’s June, though,” Jennie pointed out, “he’s coming here soon, right?”

“Yeah,” Chaeyoung nodded, “he’s done with his teaching job for the semester, so he’s going to come here and go back to Seoul in September.”

“I bet you’re all excited,” Jennie smiled sweetly.

“Yeah,” Chaeyoung smiled back, “I feel like it’s been so long since I last saw him, I miss him so much. And Mom tries not to show it, but she misses him too. And Joonie needs a father figure in his life, he’s going through so much.”

“I’m sure he’ll be enthusiastic to see all of you, too,” Jennie said, tossing the empty beer can in the trash.

“Enough about me,” Chaeyoung said, leading her to the balcony, “how’s life going for you, huh?”

“It’s.. boring, I guess?” Jennie replied, “I don’t know how else to describe it, I just wake up, go to work, and go back home, nothing new.”

“You haven’t met any new people?” Chaeyoung asked, quite worried.

Chaeyoung, after overcoming the language barrier, had turned into a social butterfly and she had lots of friends from various places. Jennie, on the contrary, had always been more shy and reserved, and it took her way longer to make friends. It’s not like she was lonely, she had Chaeyoung and she was on friendly terms with her coworkers, but something was missing from her life.

Jennie shook her head, “No one, but the other night I slept with the sexiest girl at the bathhouse.”

“You gotta stop doing that,” Chaeyoung huffed, stealing a cigarette from Jennie’s packet, “I told you, Jen, it’s not healthy.”

“What isn’t?” Jennie asked.

“This.. thing you keep doing,” Chaeyoung explained, “you keep sleeping with strangers and it’s worrying me.”

“Well,” Jennie shrugged, “it’s not like I can get AIDS, so..”

“That’s not what I’m worried about,” Chaeyoung sighed, “I worry about you, okay? You’re all alone in that mansion of yours, you don’t have any friends apart from me and those two guys you work with and you keep pushing away people who want more than friendship from you. Why do you do that?”

Jennie shrugged, “I don’t know, okay? It just.. doesn’t feel right. They’re not.. the one, they never are.”

“I think you just have really high standards,” Chaeyoung pointed out.

“I really don’t,” Jennie insisted, “I just.. they’re convenient, you know? They’re there when I need a quick fuck, and yes, maybe sometimes I feel lonely, but you know what happened to me and what I went through so I don’t think you should be judging me.”

“Okay, okay,” Chaeyoung conceded, raising her hands up in surrender, “I won’t judge you. I just want you to be happy, you know?”

Jennie turned to look away, “I know.”

“Onto lighter things,” Chaeyoung said after a moment of silence, “d’ya wanna go watch some recordings? I found some VHS tapes of when we were in high school.”

“Oh shit,” Jennie swore, “really?”

Chaeyoung nodded, a big smile on her face, “Let’s go to the living room, c’mon.”

Jennie stood up from the chair on the balcony, put out her cigarette and followed her friend to the living room, where she sat on the couch while watching her friend meddling with the TV.

Chaeyoung’s family house wasn’t that big, it was a typical Bayview apartment with a large living room with a kitchen area, a bedroom and a bathroom. Chaeyoung and her brother Joon shared the bedroom, while her mom slept on the couch.

Jennie always felt a pang of sympathy when she was in her friend’s house: she grew up rich, so she didn’t know what her friend must have gone through, but still she felt for her. It mustn’t have been easy.

Chaeyoung finally pressed play and a video started playing on the TV. It was of when they were about sixteen, getting ready for prom. They weren’t supposed to go as they weren’t seniors, but some older guys had invited them as their dates.

Jennie looked fondly at the TV, at the sight of her and Chaeyoung giggling while trying on different dresses, and Mrs. Park telling them that they looked gorgeous. Joon was sitting on the bed, telling them that they looked ugly.

They watched videos for the better part of the morning, laughing loudly at everything that happened and at their past selves. Mrs. Park used to have a penchant for recording ever since she got a videocamera, and there were plenty of videos of them: shopping downtown, at the beach, playing with Chaeyoung’s dog at various parks in the city and more.

They were watching a video of them at a school recital, Jennie still remembers it, how happy Chaeyoung had been when she had gotten the lead role in the musical, when Jennie’s stomach grumbled loudly.

“You hungry?” Chaeyoung asked.

Jennie nodded and threw a quick glance at her watch, which told her that it was a little past two, way past her usual lunchtime.

“D’ya wanna go grab some lunch?” Chaeyoung asked, “we don’t have much at home, and I found this new Thai restaurant not too far.”

“Sure, let’s go,” Jennie said, standing up from the couch, “I love me some Thai food.”

“Mmh,” Chaeyoung smiled, “I know you do.”

Chaeyoung turned off the TV and put the tapes back on the shelf, then she left to go get dressed. Jennie followed her and threw herself on her bed as her friend looked into the wardrobe.

Chaeyoung decided on a pair of shorts and a bright yellow t-shirt, the _ESPRIT_ logo on it. It was a brand that was in these days, but Jennie suspected that her friend might have gotten the shirt from a knock off market instead of at the actual store.

Once Chaeyoung got her bag ready with everything she needed in it, they left the house. They quickly made their way down the stairs and reached the main door. Chaeyoung greeted one of her neighbours that was going up the stairs with some plastic bags in her hands, then they made their way into the street.

The Thai restaurant turned out to not be too far, just as Chaeyoung had said. They just made their way a bit more into the Bayview, as Chaeyoung’s house was nearer Hunters Point. After ten to fifteen minutes of walking, they stopped in front of the restaurant.

The sign read _Taste of Bangkok_ and near the entrance there was a large board with the menu written on it, both in English and in Thai. It looked inviting, which surprised Jennie, because she was used to much more fancy places. But there was just something about _Taste of Bangkok_ that invited Jennie in.

“It’s a front,” Chaeyoung said, before they entered.

“Uh?” Jennie asked, confused.

“It’s a gambling den, owned by the Moon Tiger mob,” Chaeyoung explained, “but disguised as a restaurant. The food’s damn good, though, I heard the owners, Mr. and Mrs. Manoban, used to be chefs back in Thailand.”

Jennie didn’t know a lot about the Moon Tiger mob, or mobs in general, she just knew that they existed and took over the streets of San Francisco during the night. At the head of the Moon Tiger mob there was apparently a Korean-American family, and most of their little brothers were also Asian, which was weird to Jennie because there weren’t many Asians who had that much power.

“Let’s go in?” Jennie asked, taking hold of Chaeyoung’s arm and leading her inside.

The inside of the restaurant was even more lovely than the inside and it felt homely. There was a wooden floor and low tables and no chairs for people to sit on the ground, the walls were painted with a bright yellow colour and there were a lot of photos attached to the walls.

They removed their shoes at the door and took a pair of slippers each from a piece of furniture next to the entrance. Jennie smiled, how typically Asian.

Behind the counter stood a kind-looking woman who looked to be in her forties, a young looking woman with short black hair and expressive eyes. She smiled at them as soon as they entered.

“Miss Chaeyoung, you’re back!” she exclaimed with a heavily accented English.

“I told you I would,” Chaeyoung smiled back, “and I brought a friend with me. This is Jennie, my best friend. Also, I told you that Chaeyoung is just fine.”

“It’s nice to meet you Ms. Jennie,” Mrs. Manoban smiled, bowing her head slightly.

“Just call me Jennie,” Jennie said, bowing back, “and it’s a pleasure to meet you, too. Chaeyoung praised your cooking a lot while we were on our way here.”

“Then please, take a seat,” Mrs. Manoban said, gesturing to one of the empty tables, “I’ll bring you a menu.”

Chaeyoung and Jennie sat at one of the tables, far from the entrance. Jennie noticed that it was empty apart from them, but there were a lot of loud voices coming from the basement, where she assumed the gambling took action.

Mrs. Manoban came to them with the menus immediately, then went back behind the counter. Jennie examined the menu. As the one outside, it had plates written in both English and Thai, and there were a lot of dishes on it.

“The Tom Yum Goong is delicious here,” Chaeyoung said, “I think I’m going to order that.”

“Isn’t that a soup?” Jennie asked her, a bit ignorant about Thai food.

“Yeah,” Chaeyoung nodded, “it’s shrimp soup.”

“Isn’t it too hot for it?” Jennie asked.

Chaeyoung shrugged, “It’s so delicious that I don’t mind. I’ll get that and Yam Nua, which is a spicy beef salad.”

“Mmh,” Jennie hummed, “I’ll get.. uh.. Pad Thai? Is that noodles?”

Chaeyoung nodded, “It’s fried noodles.”

“That sounds good,” Jennie nodded, still looking at her menu, “and.. uhm.. chicken in coconut milk? This sounds delicious.”

“I ordered that last time I came here,” Chaeyoung informed her, “It’s really good.”

“Are you ready to order?” Mrs. Manoban asked, walking closer with a notebook in her hand.

“Yeah,” Chaeyoung replied, “I’ll get a Tom Yum Goong and a Yam Nua.”

“Pad Thai and Tom Kha Kai for me,” Jennie smiled, looking up at the woman.

“Coming right up,” Mrs. Manoban said, before leaving for the kitchen.

“So.. how do you like this place?” Chaeyoung asked.

“It’s nice,” Jennie said, looking around, “there’s a nice atmosphere.”

“I knew you would like it,” Chaeyoung smiled.

“How come?” Jennie asked.

“I don’t know,” Chaeyoung shrugged, “I had a feeling.”

Jennie turned around to look at the photograph attached to the wall near their table, it was of a skyline, Jennie assumed the Bangkok skyline, taken during the sunset. It was absolutely beautiful.

“The photographs are a nice touch,” Jennie added.

“I took those!”

Jennie turned around in surprise when she heard the new voice. There was a girl standing next to their table with a bottle of water in her hand and two glasses.

Jennie had seen plenty of beautiful girls in her life, and she’d slept with half of those, but this one girl really took the cake. She was dressed in a pair of dark jeans with a black blouse on top. She had brown hair that reached her shoulders and her face was just ethereal: warm eyes, a cute little nose and a plump bottom lip.

She was currently smiling at them, as she bent down to place the bottle of water in the middle of the table and their glasses in front of them.

Jennie found herself at loss for words in front of such a beautiful girl, and Chaeyoung seemed to know exactly what was going on as she was snickering.

“You took those?” Jennie finally managed to reply, “you have a good eye for pictures, they look beautiful.”

“Thank you!” the girl exclaimed, “I used to study photography back in Bangkok, but then we had to move here and now we can’t really afford Uni and..”

“Lisa!” Mrs. Manoban exclaimed, coming out of the kitchen, “stop bothering the guests.”

“She’s not bothering us,” Jennie intervened, “not at all.”

Mrs. Manoban sighed in exasperation and went back into the kitchen.

“So.. you studied photography?” Jennie asked, “that’s nice.. it’s.. uh.. a good major.”

Chaeyoung’s snickers increased in volume.

“It is!” Lisa smiled, “I love it, well, loved it.”

Jennie noticed that she seemed quite comfortable in speaking English, and that she didn’t make mistakes or had a notable accent.

“You speak English well,” Jennie complimented her, “when did you start studying it?”

“Oh, thank you!” Lisa smiled, “I used to attend an English academy back home, ever since I was little. My parents have been planning to move here for a long time, so they wanted me to be ready.”

“That was considerate of them,” Jennie commented, “how come did you move here?”

“I mean,” Lisa reached to scratch the back of her neck with her hand, “it’s America, y’know? The land of freedom, the place where dreams come true! Who wouldn’t move here?”

Jennie laughed at that, at her enthusiasm, “I mean, yeah, I guess, some dreams do come true.”

Lisa smiled at that, “Well, I’ve bothered you two enough. I have to go back to the kitchen before mom yells at me.”

“It’s fine,” Jennie smiled, “as I told your mom, you didn’t bother us at all! It was actually nice talking to you.”

“You too, and oh!” Lisa exclaimed, “what happened to my manners? I’m Lisa.”

“I’m Jennie,” Jennie replied, “and this is Chaeyoung.”

“I think I’ve seen you here before,” Lisa said to Chaeyoung.

“Yeah,” Chaeyoung replied, “I’ve come here a few times before.”

“Well,” Lisa smiled brightly, “I’d love to stay and chat more but I’m needed in the kitchen, I’ll see you two later, though?”

“Of course,” Jennie smiled.

Lisa left to head to the kitchen, and Jennie found herself sighing after her.

“Talk about being obvious..” Chaeyoung muttered.

“Uh?” Jennie asked, turning to look at her friend.

“Nothing, nothing,” Chaeyoung smirked.

Mrs. Manoban came with a few plates on her hands, “Tom Yum Goong and Yam Nua for Ms. Chaeyoung,” she said placing the plates in front of said girl, “and Pad Thai and Tom Kha Kai for Ms. Jennie. Enjoy, girls.”

Jennie and Chaeyoung thanked her and started eating immediately. Chaeyoung burned her tongue with the soup and Jennie started laughing at her through bites of her noodles.

Jennie found that Chaeyoung was absolutely right, for the food was delicious! It was so rich in flavour and spices, and it reminded Jennie of the food she used to eat in her family house, before starting a strict diet of noodles, soft drinks and cigarettes since moving out. She was able to cook, her family’s chef had taught her back when she was younger, but she found that on most days she couldn’t be bothered to, so she often opted for ordering in or eating out, but the places she went to weren’t as good as this one.

They finished their first dishes in record time, so hungry - it was almost three in the afternoon at that point, and passed to the seconds. Jennie legitimately moaned when she first tasted it, for the taste of coconut mixed perfectly with the chicken and other ingredients.

“Are you guys liking the food?” Lisa asked, back from the kitchen, this time with her hair tied back.

“It’s amazing!” Jennie exclaimed, “best things I’ve ever tasted, better than pus-”

“What Jennie means!” Chaeyoung exclaimed loudly, interrupting her, “is that it’s really good.”

“It’s good to know that,” Lisa smiled, a bit confused by the whole ordeal, “mom and dad try their best, it’s always nice when they get compliments.”

“Tell your parents that it’s amazing,” Chaeyoung smiled back, “seriously.”

“Well,” Lisa started but then got interrupted by the noise of the bell as a group of men came in.

They walked past them and entered the door at the end of the room, the one Jennie assumed led to the basement where the gambling took action.

Jennie noticed that Lisa’s expression darkened when the men came in. Jennie figured it wasn’t nice knowing that something illegal was taking place in her family’s restaurant. Jennie wouldn’t like that either: the insecurity, the knowing that the police could find out in any moment and punish them in some way.

“Well, we should go,” Chaeyoung said, standing up, “doesn’t your shift start in an hour?”

Jennie stood up as well, “Oh, right, we have to go.”

“Your shift?” Lisa asked, “do you have a job?”

Jennie nodded, as she looked in her bag for her wallet, “Yeah, I work at a bookstore.”

“Oh!” Lisa exclaimed, “where? I’d love to stop by, I’ve been meaning to look for some books to improve my English.”

“Uhh..” Jennie turned to look at Chaeyoung, asking silently for help.

“It’s a.. special bookstore, I’m not sure you’d find what you’re looking for,” Chaeyoung intervened, “but you could find some good ones even here in the Bayview, if you give me a piece of paper I’ll write some names down for you.”

“Oh, sure,” Lisa smiled, hanging her her notebook with which she took the orders, and Chaeyoung started writing down some names of bookstores in the are.

Jennie just sighed in relief, now that Lisa was distracted from the topic of her job she could relax. It’s not that Jennie was embarrassed by her job, she just didn’t feel the need to tell everyone that she worked in a LGBT bookstore. Not many people were accepting, even in San Francisco, the so called LGBT capital of the world.

Jennie didn’t want Lisa to run away from her immediately, not when there was the possibility of the other becoming a good friend. Lisa seemed so happy and enthusiastic, and Jennie desperately needed some optimism in her life. Plus, she was so pretty that Jennie wouldn’t mind her becoming something more.

“Here you go,” Chaeyoung smiled, “I hope this helps you with your language learning process, even if I have to say that your English is excellent, as Jennie said before.”

“Thank you so much,” Lisa smiled brightly, “thank you both for being so nice to me. To be honest we haven’t met a lot of nice people since moving here, so this really means a lot to me. I hope we can see each other a lot in the future.”

“Oh, I’ll come back, for sure,” Jennie replied.

“Careful,” Chaeyoung warned Lisa, “you’re never gonna get rid of her. It happened to me too and we’ve been stuck together for years now.”

“Hey!” Jennie exclaimed, pretending to be offended.

Lisa burst out laughing, “Somehow.. I don’t think I’d mind that.”

 

  
**The Castro, Eureka Valley, San Francisco: June 5th, 1987**

When Jennie arrived at _Dog Eared Books_ , it was fifteen minutes past five, and she knew that she was in for a scolding. She was usually never late, so she hoped it wouldn’t be too harsh, but looking at Yoongi’s face in that moment made her stop in her steps.

“I can explain!” she exclaimed before her coworker could get a word in.

“Mmh,” Yoongi simply replied.

Jennie grimaced, “Really.”

“Then please, do explain,” Yoongi said.

There was no one in the bookstore at the moment, fortunately, so they could talk in peace. Usually there were a lot of customers, especially on the weekends and on the evenings, seemed like most people preferred entering the bookstore when no one could see them, maybe even slightly drunk. It seemed like even in the heart of the Castro, some people were still too ashamed.

“The buses wouldn’t pass,” Jennie started, “I went to the Bayview to visit a friend and we got talking with a nice waitress in a restaurant for so long that I didn’t notice how late it was getting.”

Jennie wasn’t lying. Her, Chaeyoung and Lisa had stayed to chat about just anything, mostly about Jennie and Chaeyoung’s friendship, for a long time, since there weren’t other customers in the restaurant. Then, when she finally realised she was going to be late, she headed outside. She had to take the bus 23 to get out of the Bayview and into Bernal Heights, and then the 24 to get to Eureka Valley, so to the Castro.

Of course, just because luck was never on her side, Jennie had gotten lost on the way to the bus stop, and then she found out she had missed the bus. Needless to say, she was now breathless and sweaty for having run all the way to the bookstore.

“Okay,” Yoongi conceded, “it wasn’t your fault, still, try not to be late, okay? The new guy left as soon as his shift ended and I was completely alone! People could have entered!”

“So what?” Jennie asked, making her way to the staff room to leave her bag.

“They could have talked to me!” Yoongi pouted, “you know I can’t deal with people.”

“And you know that I’m worse than you!” Jennie said loudly from the staff room to be heard by her friend.

“Honestly,” Yoongi laughed, “we’re a bit of a mess, I don’t know what Mr. Oh was thinking when he hired us.”

“I know, right?” Jennie smiled, coming back to the front, “and it happened on the same day, too.”

“It was fate,” Yoongi joked, “two disaster gays hired on the same day.”

Jennie didn’t believe in fate, but it really was a curious coincidence that her and her friend both got hired on the same day, and that they were so similar, too.

Yoongi was a few years older than her, a bit taller than her but still quite short and had broad shoulders, but still was very thin and delicate-looking. He had a kind of face that Jennie could trust: cat eyes, lips constantly pouted and a cute button nose. But it wasn’t his physical appearance that made him so trustworthy, it was that he was different from all those men Jennie was so scared of.

Yoongi was extremely kind, he always made sure to compliment Jennie but without ill intentions, and he was very passionate about the things he liked: books and human rights. Plus, he was gay, which helped a lot. Gay men were the only men Jennie was okay with, because she knew that they wouldn’t find ways to hurt her.

She had had her fair share of bad encounters with straight men to know that she didn’t want anything to do with them. Jennie knew that Yoongi felt the same way about her: he knew that she, as a lesbian woman, couldn’t be interested in him and never would be, so he trusted her.

They had developed a good friendship over the three years they’d worked together, and Jennie found herself going to him for some issues that she knew that Chaeyoung, as a straight woman, wouldn’t understand.

“So, anything interesting happened today?” Jennie asked, sitting on the checkout counter.

“A guy came in and asked me out,” Yoongi replied, “it was quite funny because he got so shy and embarrassed. It was a shame to turn him down.”

“Why did you turn him down, then?” Jennie asked.

“I ain’t risking it until the AIDS crisis is over,” Yoongi explained.

“Makes sense,” Jennie concluded, “I’m sure it must be hard for you guys right now.”

“Yeah,” Yoongi snickered, “trust me, everything is hard.”

“You’re disgusting,” Jennie said, but laughed nonetheless, “but, in all seriousness, you could just go out with the guy and not have sex?”

“What’s the point in that?” Yoongi asked.

“You know,” Jennie sighed, “like.. like a relationship.”

“As if you would know about those,” Yoongi smirked.

“Shut up,” Jennie turned to look away, “you’re no better than me, but seriously, give the guy a chance.”

Yoongi sighed, “Who knows? Maybe I will.”

“I won’t believe it ‘til I see it,” Jennie smiled, “what was he like?”

“As tall as me, really pretty,” Yoongi said, placing some books back in their places on the shelves, “droopy eyes and plump lips to die for.”

“He must have been really pretty,” Jennie commented, “why did you turn him down again?”

“I don’t know,” Yoongi huffed, “I panicked, I’m a mess.”

“Yeah,” Jennie snickered, “we’ve already established that.”

“Stop making fun of me and get to work,” Yoongi ordered, usual pout on his lips.

“But there’s nothing to do,” Jennie whined.

“Shit, you’re right,” Yoongi sighed, walking back to the counter where Jennie was sitting, “tell me about your day, what did you do?”

“I told you,” Jennie said, “I went to visit Chae down in the Bayview, then we went to a Thai restaurant near her house and we talked a lot with the waitress.”

“Was she pretty?” Yoongi asked, a glint in his eyes.

“So pretty,” Jennie sighed, “and she was so nice, too. Polite and cheerful. She was a joy to be around.”

“That’s good,” Yoongi commented, “you should surround yourself with people like her. God knows if I worry about you: you only have me and Chaeyoung.”

“Chae said the same thing,” Jennie smiled fondly.

“You need to make more friends, Jen, you can’t go on alone like this,” Yoongi continued, “yes, you’ve got your hookups, but those aren’t long lasting, who are you gonna grow old with?”

Jennie turned to look outside of the bookstore’s glass door. The sight of masses of people walking around didn’t work to distract her from her friend’s words, and she kept thinking them over in her head. Yoongi and Chaeyoung were right, she was probably gonna die alone.

Jennie didn’t exactly know what issues she had with commitment, but whenever a woman tried to break down her walls, she ran away. She couldn’t handle it, for some reason. Maybe it was because she was so used to seeing straight couples everywhere and she grew up knowing that those were the right kind of relationships, that gay couples or families couldn’t work. But if that was the case, why was her family so fucking broken?

“I’m not saying this to attack you,” Yoongi resumed after a while, “I just want you to think this through. You said you liked the waitress, why don’t you go see her again one of these days? It doesn’t have to be romantic, maybe you could get a friend out of it, or, who knows, maybe even a girlfriend?”

“Only if you promise me you won’t turn the guy down next time,” Jennie said.

Yoongi reached out with his pinky finger, and Jennie smiled fondly, intertwining it with her own.

 

**Pacific Heights, San Francisco: June 5th, 1987**

When Jennie arrived at home, she sighed in relief. It had been a long, hard day, and she couldn’t wait to just get into bed and sleep the whole night. Hopefully no nightmares would wake her up, even if she had been having some trouble sleeping lately.

She took off the shoes at the entrance and put on her slippers, then she walked to the living room and collapsed on the couch. She suddenly felt hot, so she cursed, got up and opened the balcony. Suddenly, a mild wind hit her, and Jennie closed her eyes and enjoyed it brushing over the overheated skin.

She decided to take a cold shower to wash all sweat away, so she headed upstairs to the bathroom. She collected the pyjama that she had left on the floor that morning and walked to her bedroom to place it on her bed, scolding herself for being so messy in the mornings.

She took a quick shower, without washing her hair this time, just to refresh her body and when she got out she cursed loudly, realising that she had forgotten to take a towel once again. She walked to grab one and wrapped it around her body and headed to her room.

Once in her bedroom, she grabbed a silken robe from her wardrobe, a black one she recently got, and put it around herself. She went back to the bathroom and washed her face, taking all the makeup off.

Feeling a little hungry, even though she had had a quick snack with Yoongi earlier, she headed to the kitchen. She cursed again when she realised that her fridge was empty now that she had eaten the noodles that morning. She checked the cupboard and thankfully found a new packet of noodles.

She set the water up to boil, and while she waited for it to do so, she lighted up a cigarette and poured herself some red wine in a wine glass. She deserved it after such a long day.

After her conversation with Yoongi, some customers had come in, and Jennie spent the rest of the afternoon talking to them and helping them pick the perfect book. Dog Eared Books had a collection of queer books: from those about LGBT history to adult magazines. It was right on Castro Street, and it was visited mostly by the people living in the neighbourhood.

At 10pm they closed the shop together, said their goodbyes and Jennie went to take the bus 24, which drove through Castro Street and Divisadero Street and brought her near Alta Plaza Park. She walked from there. During the twenty minutes she was on the bus she felt uncomfortable, because a drunk man kept staring at her. Fortunately, he didn’t say anything to her, or Jennie would have had to get off the bus and wait for the next one.

To top it all, now that she was finally home, she had no one to cook for her, no warm food already cooked found on the table waiting for her, and that was when Jennie started to think how lonely she really was and how lovely it would be to have a woman by her side. Jennie desperately craved for someone with soft curves to hold at night, someone to spend her boring days with. Yet, she couldn’t get over her fear of commitment. Or her fear of getting caught.

Jennie thought that actually being with a girl would make it more real, what she was. And Jennie was fine trying her best not to acknowledge it, until she caved in on lonely nights when she had too much to drink and she found herself in various places. Her favourites choices were adult cinemas, bathhouses and adult arcades. Or other women’s beds.

Jennie realised she had been so lost in his thoughts that she hadn’t noticed the water, which had been boiling for a while at that point. She put the noodles inside the pot and waiter three minutes for them to cook. When they were done, she put off her cigarette and headed outside to the balcony.

She liked eating outside the most: with the fresh breeze on her and the light of the moon illuminating everything. She could see that her neighbours were having a barbecue dinner outside in their garden. She didn’t know them, but she had seen them around enough to know that they were a family of four: the parents, a boy and a girl. They seemed nice enough.

Jennie was reminded once again of her loneliness, of how she would never have a family like that unless she pretended to be a heterosexual, which made her heart ache because she had tried it before, but she just couldn’t do it. She had tried with all her might.

She sighed and blew on the noodles in order to make them cool down a bit so that she could eat them without burning her tongue. She are quickly, and then headed back inside. She washed the plate and the wine glass she drank out of while cooking, before deciding that she needed another glass.  
  
She went upstairs and laid in bed for a while, hoping that the wine would make her sleepy, but it didn’t happen. She just couldn’t sleep. She had felt terrible that day, even with all the happy things that had happened, so she decided to go outside. She was almost drunk at this point, for she was a lightweight and a few glasses of red wine did it for her.

She got dressed in a hurry, with a black off-the-shoulders top and a denim mini-skirt. She didn’t put on her fishnets as she usually would have when she went to bars or clubs, because she didn’t feel the need to. She knew where she was going to go and she knew that she wasn’t likely to meet anyone.

She took her car keys and walked to her car, which was parked in front of her house. She got in and started the engine, and started driving. Her driving wasn’t that stable as she had had one glass too many, but she didn’t care, it’s not like they would stop her. The police was far more busy beating up minorities for doing nothing in the streets.

She took Broadway, then turned right to Larkin Street and turned right again into Clay Street, which made her arrive in Nob Hill. There, she drove around for a bit before stopping her car in front of the arcade.

 

**Nob Hill, San Francisco: June 5th, 1987**

The glowing sign read _Nob Hill Theatre_ , then _World Famous_ under it, followed by _25 Shows Daily_ and _Not Action Arcade_. Jennie knew that she was on time for one of the last shows, as it was nearing midnight. Next to it was Hotel Grant and a sex shop on the other side.

She entered and she would have felt a little disoriented if she hadn’t been there before, but she had, a lot of times, so she knew exactly where to go. She walked past the main room and looked for one of the private booths. There were different kinds of booths: private booths like the one she had chosen, two-person booths or the booths with the glory holes. Jennie always used the first ones, as she didn’t have anyone with her or a dick. Some booths had windows with which people could see others, but Jennie wasn’t into exhibitionism that much.

She inserted the coins and entered the booth. The screen in front of her did the most of illuminating around, as the lights were dimmed inside the booth. She took some tissues to clean the seat before sitting on it, she always wanted to make sure that there wasn’t anything on it.

She clicked on the control panel and started to select a movie. There were usually fifteen to fifty movies to choose from, and Jennie always spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to select one. She clicked on ‘lesbian’ and waited for it to load. Next to her seat, there were a towel and a wastebasket.

Jennie sighed as she looked through the films, until she found one that looked promising. It was a Japanese film, and Jennie found that she liked those the best, even if they did censor some features.

Jennie leaned back in her seat and pressed play, and the video began. It was set in an office and the two ladies were currently speaking in Japanese, even without understanding the language Jennie could tell how fake it sounded.

Things didn’t start to get interesting until at least five minutes into the video, when they finally kissed and started touching each other, slowly getting rid of their blouses. Nipples weren’t censored, thankfully, and Jennie could see them through the white bras.

The woman with lighter hair slid her hand under the other’s skirt, possibly massaging her in a way that was making her moan in an exaggerated way. They went on like this for a while, and Jennie started to feel hot and bothered.

She took her top off and started massaging her breasts, alternating between squeezing and pinching her nipples. When she did that, a jolt of pleasure ran through her body, but it wasn’t enough.

She could feel a warm, tingling feeling in her lower stomach and her own pussy throbbing, as the two actresses hastily started getting out of their clothes. The sight of another woman’s body always had that effect on her.

Jennie couldn’t hold out anymore, so she reached down and unbuttoned her skirt, sliding it down a bit so that she could get her hands into her panties. The two actresses were now kissing each other, one with two fingers inside of the other. Not that much could be seen, because of the pixels.

Jennie started slowly massaging herself over her panties, feeling them get wetter by the minute because of the stimulation and the moans coming from the speakers. There was just something about hearing other women moan out of pleasure that really got to her.

She put her hand inside of her panties, rubbing her clit with her fingers, slowly feeling her body get warmer. She could feel how wet she was, what would she do to get another woman to lick it off her.

The actresses were currently 69ing, both lost in pleasure as they sucked each other clits and fucked each other with their tongues, making loud squelching noises. Everything was censored, so Jennie closed her eyes and started imagining a film in her head.

Another woman, in her head, was currently telling her how good she was, as she rubbed her clit faster and faster. Jennie let out a loud squeak as she imagined the pressure of another clit on hers, rubbing together.

Suddenly, the image of the pretty waitress from the Thai restaurant came in her head. Jennie had seen that she had a good looking body, a bit lacking in curves but still toned and athletic. Jennie felt bad for masturbating while thinking of someone she didn’t even know, but she couldn’t help it.

Just imagining Lisa’s pretty face above her, as she mercilessly slided their cunts together made Jennie let out a loud moan. Jennie needed that, needed to be fucked by someone as pretty as Lisa.

The movie was just serving as background noise, as Jennie imagined the way Lisa would moan when Jennie would suck on her clit, touching her breasts with her hands. She would lick her all over, before finally inserting her fingers in her.

Jennie felt that she was getting close, she was tipsy and so lonely and touch-starved that she felt like she couldn’t hold out any longer. She put one finger inside of herself to the knuckle, slowly pushing it in and out, researching for her sweet spot.

When she felt like one wasn’t enough, she inserted a second one, which met a bit of resistance, but she was so wet that it slid right in. Oh, Lisa would tell her how good she was being, how she took her fingers so well and how she was being a good girl. Nothing like the shit she was used to hear.

Jennie imagined what it would be like to have Lisa eat her out while fingering her, the warm of her mouth on her the most sensitive of her parts. Jennie inserted a third and final finger, fucking herself desperately, as every time she went in she hit her spot. She didn’t even care about how loud she was being, let people enjoy the show.

She briefly wondered how it would feel like for Lisa to fuck her with her thick dildo, deep inside of her, hitting her spot while sucking on her nipples. She wouldn’t go fast, she would do it slow and deep, and Jennie would enjoy every moment of it.

Her body began spasming, moving out of her control as she loudly yelled a chorus of “Yes, yes!” as images appeared in her head in flashes: her fucking Lisa, Lisa fucking her, then eating each other out, scissoring. Everything seemed to pass through her mind, in every single position.

Finally, she felt her orgasm hit her. She yelled loudly, as she kept riding her fingers while her hips moved on a rhythm of their own, until she felt them slowing down. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes, noticing that the movie had long ended.

She stayed like that for a few minutes, just breathing deeply trying to calm herself down. When she finally did, she grabbed the towel and cleaned herself, then threw it in the wastebasket.

She got up from the chair and got dressed quietly, as guilt began to creep inside of her: guilt for masturbating, for doing it while thinking of another woman. She felt tears prickle at the corners of her eyes.

She got out of the establishment quickly, hoping to not run into someone she knew, as that was one of her biggest fears. They would have been able to tell what she just did, as she was currently red in the face and she smelled like sex, and Jennie really wanted to avoid that. Especially since she knew that that would have ended with a phone call from someone she didn’t really want to talk to.

Well, at least that had worked to sober her up, as she didn’t stumble, not even once, and felt her mind completely clear, apart from the bad thoughts that kept following her.

She got into her car, locked it and started the engine. She drove back home and parked in front of her house. She checked her watch, it was 1am and she began to feel sleepy, she just wanted to hurry and get in bed.

While she was passing through the kitchen, she it herself one last glass of wine, just to make sure that she would fall asleep quickly. She knew that if she stayed awake, she would just throw a pity party for herself, and probably cry herself to sleep and she didn’t want to do that. For once, she just wanted to feel good about herself.

Once in her room she got out of her clothes quickly and put her pyjamas on. She turned off the lights and got into bed, hugging one of her many pillows to her chest.

It seemed like no matter what she did, she would always feel like shit afterwards. She could sleep with a thousand women or just get herself off, and she would still feel like nothing would ever fill that empty hole inside of her. With tears streaming down her face, she fell asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Don’t forget to leave kudos and comments and to subscribe!
> 
> You can find me on twitter and tumblr @ jendeukiesss.


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